Pioneer Newsletter #2

Tuesday, September 19th

Introduction Paragraph

“Where's my fuckin newsletter punk”

An actual text I received this morning. Folks, I failed each and every one of you. You trusted me and here I am, 24 HOURS LATE. As we learned from Jack Bauer, a lot can happen in 24 hours. According to writer Butch Furse, from the Aurora News-Register, 380,000 babies were born since my supposed deadline. 27,000 people got married, 5,000 tons of wool were yielded by sheep, and over 240,000,000 people around the world fucked. All of this, while your inbox and my outbox sat vacant. But I woke up today and realized babies will still be born, lovers will still say I do, sheep will still shed, and passion will still be shared behind locked doors. Today will go on just like any day before. Another opportunity to write wrongs, mend failures, and most importantly… make up for the deadlines missed.

So here’s your fuckin newsletter punk.

Jack Baur (right) Butch Furse (left)

Report Card: Hats In Movies

Hats in movies. I wish they were taken more seriously. I’m not referring on Sinatra’s fedora or John Wayne’s ten gallon but instead, the classic American ball cap. Just as you decide every morning whether or not to put one on, so do directors and costume designers as they create fake humans for us on the screen. Much has been written in the television space about Succession and the Roy family’s headwear. The trademark wool baseball caps worn by many characters whilst entering and exiting helicopters are completely blank. Some found it odd and off-putting. How can your hat be so plain? Who would wear that? I’ll tell you who - people more concerned about fixing elections than root root rooting for the home team.¹ It’s called intentionality. I’m sorry your small brain can’t understand this.

Regardless, covering your beautiful star’s dome is a bold choice and unsurprisingly, not made often. I’ve participated in two acting classes. During both, hats were prohibited - seen as a way to hide expressiveness and hinder connection with a scene partner. But movies are about life and alas, sometimes we all need to wear one. It is in these moments, I find we truly learn about the meticulousness of our directors. How much did they care about WHICH Yankee hat worked best for their character? Is it new with a loud ‘47 or Fanatics logo on the side? Is it beaten up to shreds instead? Bloodsport (Arnold, 1988), a martial arts movie that spends about 90 minutes orchestrating some of the sweatiest fight scenes you can find and about 45 seconds on just about everything else, contains the most extreme baseball hat atrocity ever committed.

Yes, that’s right. Our guy is rocking a San Francisco Giants hat with A NEW YORK GIANTS SHIRT. I’ve seen Bloodsport multiple times and as funny as this is, I can’t comprehend how nobody, from the director down to the caterer, didn’t catch such a severe conflict of interest. Perhaps it’s a nod to the Polo Grounds, the famed and former home to both the New York Football Giants and the New York Baseball Giants before the latter’s controversial relocation to the bay area after the 1957 MLB season. But yeah - it’s definitely not that. Here are some more (far less overt) examples of baseball hats in film.

NOTE TO READER: This is purely off the top of my head. Hit me up with more.

Drive: C

Devon Hester on the runback in 2007. John Mayer six minutes into Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. The opening scene of Drive (Winding Refn, 2011). Some stuff in this world just fucking rips. A core text of the “I majored in film but also joined a frat” cannon, Drive’s title does all the heavy lifting for you. Ryan Gosling where’s a scorpion jacket, plays a character aptly named Driver, and drives remarkably fast. Unsurprisingly, the general public really responded to this. It’s opening scene, a moody car chase set to the radio broadcast of a Clippers game, is what most people remember best². So why the bad grade? Because upon ditching his getaway car in the Staples Center parking garage, Gosling evades police by putting on a flexfit Clippers hat [smart] and stepping into a sea of (awkwardly fist pumping) Clippers fans [very smart]. But take a closer look. That’s not a Clippers logo on the hat. It looks like he bought that piece of shit a block away from the arena along with an unsealed bottle of water. Hey law enforcement - you know who looks suspicious? The guy with no friends and wearing a hat that evades copyright infringement laws. The film’s Danish director, Nicolas Winding Refn, should’ve consulted with maybe one person who’s ever witnessed a basketball game before singing off on this. Luckily he makes up for it, about twenty seconds later, with an all time needle drop. That Chromatics song goes crazy.

Redemption Island: Through my research for the piece, I did come upon this paparazzi photo of Ryan Gosling, at Disneyland, actually wearing his fake Clippers hat from the film. What a style judo move by Gosling. Also, how irrelevant does a basketball team have to be for this to happen? Imagine if a celebrity stepped out with a bootleg Warriors cap.

La La Land: B-

I’m doubling down on Gosling. In all fairness, he wears this classic blue Dodgers strapback for *maybe* a couple seconds in the film. I remember upon first viewing La La Land (Chazelle, 2016) in theaters, it stood out. I haven’t lost sleep over it but, still, I just don’t see Seb as a hat guy. In an otherwise meticulously composed film, the choice seems quite random. It doesn’t help that even Damien Chazelle, a generational talent, falls victim to the 47’ brand curse. Right on the side, clear as day, you can see that logo. The cap isn’t even worn in. In fact it might be the only new thing Seb owns. The guy rocks vintage wool suits and tap shoes for the first hour of the movie and now I’m supposed to believe he drove that cassette playing 82’ Buick to The Grove and dropped by a Lids? From my recollection, that 47’ logo is the only contemporary brand label to be found in the film. DO BETTER DAMIEN.

The Departed: A

Holy shit. Nothing screams Masshole more than an off-color Red Sox hat. This was such a nice touch for the character’s progression from ambitious Statey to Irish mob recruit. I would have graded it lower if they chose a standard blue and red cap for Leo’s William Costigan. Something about the black and white just makes him a fucking psychopath.

80 For Brady: F

I’ve seen about 25 minutes of 80 For Brady (Marvin, 2023) and honestly, I didn’t hate it. But within these 25 minutes I was inspired - nay invigorated - to write this piece. Mind you not that Lilly Tomlin and Sally Field wear replica Brady uniforms absent of a name patch while Jane Fonda and Rita Moreno wear identical uniforms containing the “Brady” name patch. The lack of headwear oversight is somehow worse. This still comes from a scene set in 2003, during Tom Brady’s first Super Bowl victory. We see that loud 47’ brand logo firmly on Moreno’s cap and a Fanatics F logo on Field’s. Ew, right? It gets worse. Twins Enterprise did not rebrand to ’47 until 2010 and Fanatics was founded in 2011. How can you use such egregious labeling for brands that didn’t even exist until the next decade? This is a war crime as far as I’m concerned.

Gone Girl: B+

On the director’s commentary, David Fincher famously admits that Affleck’s character was supposed to wear a Yankees hat in this scene. Boston’s own Ben Affleck refused to do so. Good. The Mets cap works better. Nick Dunne needed to hide from the world (you know, ‘cause of the whole wife murder thing) and that Mets cap looks like his first solution. Straight from a Hudson News at JFK. No loud brand logos. Simple. Understated. Purposeful. It’s a little boxy for the business casual fit but works nonetheless.

Moneyball: A

There’s a moment where Hill’s Peter Brand character is in disbelief over a Bay Area sportscaster giving manager Art Howe (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) credit for their improbable win streak. Brand believes it’s not the manager or any single player, but THEIR number driven approach that propels the streak. What better way to symbolize Brand’s ‘it’s on us’ attitude than by having him wear the same exact On-Field New Era hat the players wear. Even better, they found one without the New Era logo as this was not stitched into the on-field caps until later in the decade. But Pitt’s Bean doesn’t care who wears what. You’ll rarely see him wearing any A’s gear throughout the film. He’s worn it all before as a ball player and failed continually. Now, he just wants to win. Two people with different perspectives, striving towards a common goal. We used to make art in this country.

Tar: A+

watch the movie for a clearer view

My all-time favorite hat choice in a movie. So much so, that I have developed an entire mythology behind it. Lydia Tar is a character of intense precision. Within the opening shots of the film, we see her at a custom fitting for one of her killer pant suits. It is abundantly clear she brings the intensity seen within her personality to her appearance. Similarly to the Mets cap in Gone Girl (Fincher, 2014), I believe this Rangers hat was purchased out of necessity. Due to its unique color way, I’d like to believe Lydia Tar purchased it at Madison Square Garden. Maybe she was invited to a Ranger game by an investor and her hair was frizzy. Maybe, the hat was her attempt at seeming human during an in-game public appearance. Regardless, it fits her head shape perfectly and she continually wears it during every instance in which she is traveling - a notoriously bad time for hair upkeep. But Tar also knows exactly when to put it away. The accessory is simply too casual for any other instance in her otherwise upscale life. In times with her students, peers, or financiers, Lydia returns to a higher and more imposing level of formal wear. Tar’s Rangers hat does what most movie hats don’t. It serves an incredibly specific purpose. We know when that hat is on, she is not worried about her public portrayal of dominance - something she works so incredibly hard to curate. But even within this time of isolation, she still strives for perfection. Just a slightly more casual version of it.

The Odd Couple

{stiller… so hot right now}

Kylie: I’ll tell you what I told him. I don’t stand for sub-tweeting, T. My lip crayon is more vegan than a goddam impossible burger.

Timothee: Totally Ky. Yo, you think I should stop by Stiller’s box-

Kylie: And if Trav wants to keep spittin’ that Wonka Factory shit in his tracks? God damn. I’ll make sure Stormi and Aire are unavailable… indefinitely.

Timothee: I wouldn’t think too much into it. Everyone’s gotta bone to pick with trailers. You know?

Kylie: BUT WHY THOUGH?! Wonka’s in good hands with Paul King. I mean Paddington? PADDINGTON 2!? Who else had the foresight to take Michael Bond’s iconic literature and adapt it with the visual pallet of early Jim Henson. That’s some straight up critical thinking right there!

Timothee: Sheesh Ky, I didn’t know you were a fan like that.

[Kylie and Daniil Medvedev make eye contact before his second serve]

Timothee: You know what? I might actually say what’s good to Ben. You want another Honey Dew?

Kylie: Wait. Before you go…

Timothee: Yeah Ky?

Kylie: Luca Guadagnino. The fuck is his deal?

Timothee: I’m not following.

Kylie: Just while we’re on the topic of your filmography, I’ve been thinking ‘bout Luca. Does he consider himself a product of Italian Neo-Realism? Cause Call Me By Your Name ain’t about the working class. That shit’s bougie as hell.

Timothee: Uh… I mean I think he’s pulling from a wide array of styles.

Kylie: You right. You right, babe. Little bit of Renoir. Little bit of Pialat. And you know he’s got some Bertolucci up in there.

Timothee: (geeking) That’s like… dead on, girl. 

Kylie: What? I’m not supposed to know shit about your shit?

Timothee: (still geeked) I just thought we were talking ‘bout lip gloss.

Kylie: Lip… crayon

[fin]

Standout Update

Never talk about cold brew. That’s just fucking brutal of me. I’LL WEAR IT NOW AND REMEMBER LATER.

In other news from the front, I’ve made some HUGE front office changes. I’ve given Reader Y control over my account. Not a full rebuild. Still a buyer at the deadline.

Recommendations

Sleepless In Seattle: Music from the motion picture (Cassette): Side 1 is pretty good but Side 2? That’s where it really gets going. Picked this up in the basement of a Dublin thrift store. The first cassette for my player. In other news, I got a cassette player and that’s been going super well for me.

Jury Duty (TV): Believe the hype. James Marsden is genuinely hilarious. After suffering through Bottoms (Seligman, 2023) one night, this show made me believe in comedy again.

American Innovations | Keeping Cool (Podcast): It’s incredible how the technological development of air conditioning contains such a rich history about society’s relationship to homeostasis. Give this a listen if you want to start an all-time bar conversation.

The Mouse Car Moment: A friend and reader of the newsletter, Ryan Matera, has his own blog and it’s quite good. Ryan knows how to write in complete sentences and I really respect that about him. I particularly enjoyed his piece on television’s problem with stakes. You can find that here:

The Other Two

Conclusion Paragraph

I met my heroes last Thursday. I met them at booths 14 and 15. It was just after I heard my number, A237, called over the loud speaker at the Santa Monica DMV. I collected my signed documents and stepped up to 14. On the other side was Wyatt. Reclined in his after-market desk chair, Wyatt had seen it all. Mind you “it all”, in this circumstance, pertains to a wide variety of car registration documents. Wyatt was in his early 60s. Eyes starting to go, his readers rarely left the tip of his nose. He wore a Los Angeles Lakers golf polo with a San Francisco ‘49ers lanyard around his neck, and most importantly, a thin gold wedding band around his left ring finger. Wyatt took the papers from my hand and scanned them like the back page of The Post. “Shit. You drive all the way here from New York?” he asked. “I have before but not in this car.” I replied. Wyatt shakes his head. “I can’t even get my wife to come with me to Morongo…” His buddy, Joseph, over in 15 couldn’t help but hear. He starts laughing. Ribbing Wyatt about his impending retirement. “I’m counting down the days” Wyatt proclaims. “So are we” Joseph hits back at him. These two kept going. About the Sunday football office pool. Then onto the Niners defense. I watched in awe as Wyatt did absolutely nothing with my registration papers. Burt and Earnie. Buck and Aikman. Simon and Garfunkel. Wyatt and Joseph. We avoid the DMV at all costs. It takes too long, we all want to believe. While we keep our AirPods in, and fire off 50 emails an hour, I just hope Wyatt and Joseph are out there - taking as long as they want.

1. Carmey also rocks a plain green cap on occasion in The Bear. He is not concerned about election manipulation but instead beef.

2. Don’t sleep on buzzcut Oscar Isaac though.