What if Harrison Ford Came to YOUR Amish Village?
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For a moment, if you will, imagine you’re Amish. You’re approaching your 30s and looking to settle down. After all, without phones, popular entertainment, or even cars, there’s not much else to do. You’ve grown close to a beautiful woman you’ve known since childhood. Let’s refer to her as Rachel. But alas, Rachel is married and with a child. This is until her husband tragically passes. Maybe it was a vicious butter churning accident or possibly an unseemly mule. Regardless, as you walk around the wake following her husband’s funeral, you see everyone looking right at you. They know what you know. You’re fuggin #NEXTUP. But before you begin your traditional Amish courting process, Rachel must go visit her sister in Baltimore. You take Rachel and her 8 year old boy Samuel to the Lancaster train station (on a horse obviously) and bid them farewell. You give Samuel a small gift you crafted in the shed. A gift that will remind him of home on his journey. A gift that will surely get you some ankle action with Rachel. But just a few days later, you receive word from an elder in town that Rachel and Samuel have returned already. With an outside guest! You see, Samuel witnessed a cop murder another cop in the bathroom of Union Station in Philadelphia. He’s the sole witness of a homicide that can take down the entire department. The detective assigned to the case relays the information to his sergeant only to learn that serg is just as dirty as the rest of ‘em. Now Rachel, Samuel, and the detective have returned to the place where the powers of the Philadelphia Police Department cannot trace them due to a lack of records and communication…YOUR Amish village. You decide to pay Rachel a visit to find out just what’s going on for yourself. As you approach Rachel’s house, you see the detective hunched over in the front yard. He’s working up a sweat in the field, surely to repay her for the hospitality she’s shown him. Then you see Rachel step out the front door with a glass of lemonade for the detective. She smiles at him. He stands up fully now and smiles back at her. Now clearly in view, you notice the detective is wearing a white button up shirt. Suddenly it hits you. Nobody has ever looked that good in a white shirt. Sorta like Han Solo in a henley, Indiana Jones in linen, Jack Ryan in a classic, or most importantly Dr. Richard Kimble in some French cuffs and a cummerbund fighting the one armed man. It’s an incredibly dominant run for such a plain piece of clothing. And that’s when you realize your worst nightmare has come true. You’ve waited all your life for your one true love to become tragically single. It was all finally going your way. Then…Harrison Ford showed up in YOUR Amish village.
I’ve just described to you the first 30 minutes of Witness. I can’t think of a worse spot to be in than Daniel Hochleitner, the man who’s shoes I’ve asked you to step in. His world is small to say the least. But there’s a beautiful woman he finally can confess his true love for and just by some odd chance, a 45 year old primetime Harrison Ford shows up. Now, your true love is willing to literally risk banishment from her son and community just to sleep with him. For a community so small, this is disastrous for Daniel. He’s possibly in one of the worst positions I’ve seen when it comes to triangles of love. I won’t spoil the ending of Witness for anyone but I will ask you once more…
What would you do if Harrison Ford came to your Amish Village?