this weekend bout to be an oscar nominated live action short
Here are weekend scenarios based on the actual titles of the 2026 Oscar nominated live action shorts I know nothing about.
“A Friend of Dorothy”
A few of us hit Night Market on Lincoln for some hot noodle and spicy conversation. It’s packed as always but we got a rez (actual plan tomorrow night). We’re seated by a waitress I’d surely ask out, if this was a Season 2 episode of How I Met Your Mother and a Neutral Milk Hotel banger was somehow swelling up in the background. But alas, this is real life so I say nothing. We lock eyes again. I think I might know her…I rack my brain but can’t for the life of me figure out how. We discuss at the table. No answers. Instagram is checked. No dice there as well…Who the hell is she? Then in between a bite of Moo Sadoong and a sip of orange wine it hits me. “Guys, I know who our waiter is.” Everyone leans in. “She’s from Hinge…Dorothy.” A few knuckles. The more spiritual at the table cross their chest. But then I show them Dorothy’s profile and there’s our waitress…next to Dorothy. My first text? Is there a polite way to ask for your friend’s number? Dorothy’s response? No. (Now that’s what we call a backdoor match) “So she’s not Dorothy?” they ask me. I shake my head in acceptance…“Nope.”
“A friend of Dorothy.”
“Jane Austen’s Period Drama”
Best I don’t go there.
“Butcher’s Stain”
I could see myself getting in a real sticky situation Saturday night involving some poorly packaged ribeye stakes. Perhaps I’m inspired to action some meat and dry-ass martinis for dinner. God forbid a white boy gets the cast iron and vermouth in motion. And perhaps I’m also inspired for a little mischief. So I go shoplift a Whole Foods and stick some USDA prime beef down my trousers. It goes swimmingly. I’m in the clear, pinning it on outta there in the Volvo XC-70. I get back to the pad. The co-conspirators are ready to feast. But then they look down…”Hey man…you get your grind on with Jane Austen tonight?” Confused, I look down at my trousers, as well. Hell, I forgot the steaks were still stuffed down there.
“Nah man…That’s just a butcher’s stain.”
“The Singers”
It’s 8 PM. A brave soul among us stands up. “Wanna go to K-Town for karaoke? It’s [insert pedestrian friend]’s birthday.” Hard no from me almost immediately. “Why? You avoiding anyone going?” he then asks.
“Yeah. The singers.”
“Two People Exchanging Saliva”
I run into my friend Hallie at the park on Sunday. I’m there failing to make a dent in my comically sized hard cover copy of Bonfire of the Vanities. Hallie’s there taking use of this January sunshine for some color. We’ve always had a complicated thing. A real will they/she won’t relationship. But this Sunday…I guess you can say we’re really hitting it off. Time flies by. The sun is setting and we realize we’ve been there for hours. Hallie leans in. So do I. “Wanna know something?” she asks me with a laughs. “Tell me.” I whisper.
“My boyfriend Jacob Elordi and I just watched this Oscar nominated live action short called Two People Exchanging Saliva”
I jump off a bridge.
One Fit For The Weekend
Can’t get my head around the swag duality of Sir Henry Muck…All I know is I wouldn’t mind crashing out in a long blouse.
Industry. Gettin’ wild.