The Pioneer Newsletter #25

July 16th, 2024

Le Voicemail

I gave some rogue advice Saturday morning. But first, I’ll need to tell you about the flip phone that inspired it. It was gifted by my father a few years back after my rickety iPhone SE hurled itself off a second-story balcony and shattered on the concrete below. I told Pops I was ready to get back to the basics. Have a brick in my pocket instead of the world. He thought it was a silly idea, but then again I was unemployed at the time and had absolutely zero important texts or calls to answer. Checkmate, Pops. My next month with the flip was liberating at times but incredibly challenging at others. I carried more cash than I ever thought I needed. I was constantly lost on the hellish roads of LA. I ordered Ubers - off my computer - for a night out and prayed to god someone else would call one on the way home. Don’t worry, I paid them back. With my cold hard cash, that is. But the oddest part of my month of flip was surely the voicemail. Texting was out of the question. My patience for T9 was shorter than a golden retriever’s in line at Petsmart. So, I called a lot of people. I mean, I called just about everyone. Most people, I was familiar enough with. Some, for reasons both personal and professional, I was not. Whatever the reason and whoever that somewhat stranger was, I prayed to god as that phone rang, I wouldn’t have to do what no one dares to - leave a voicemail. We all know how our voicemails sound. Rehearsed yet fumbled, over-explained yet unfinished, and always 7 octaves higher than normal. Such as reading, humanity brushed aside the art of the voicemail decades ago. And so, after just one month of prehistoric struggle, I admitted to myself what I knew deep down all along. I’m no maverick. I need the same pocket weaponry as everyone else. But that flip phone still calls to me from the miscellaneous drawer in my kitchen. It’s even made guest appearances on occasion in between new phones. My SIM card and that LG are like Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. Every so often they’ll set their differences apart and make sweet music for one night only.

I then gifted the flip to my friend Ned. He took it out one weekend after his SE buzzed its final Hinge reply. As Ned is known to, he pushed the boundaries even further - using it specifically as an attention grabber out on the town. The flip caught the eye of a woman named Valerie, who gave Ned her number and was surely interested in receiving a call the next morning. But of course, with it being an unknown number, Valerie didn’t pick up the next morning. Ned had to leave the same haphazard voicemail I knew he’d have to. Valerie did end up calling back, if just slightly confused. Not only confused by Ned’s less than smooth voicemail but also by why she was so enthralled by the sight of a flip phone the night prior. Ned learned that the flip will surely make you the most interesting man in the world one night but reduce you to an awkward recorded monologue the next morning.

So why now, do I write about the flip and that voicemail? We’ve recently borne witness to an assassination attempt, the worst national anthem in recorded history, and the release of a new Katy Perry album. Yet, all of these events were eclipsed in my mind by the rogue advice I gave on Saturday morning. This past Friday night, Ned (no longer with the flip but still single) met another lady out on the town. According to him, it went just alright. So the next morning, her number burned a hole in his pocket. He went back and forth about just what and even why he would text her. It seemed no standard pleasantries could ignite the spark that just wasn’t there. Ned wasn’t even sure she gave him a real number. Only one way to find out. I told Ned to utilize the forbidden form of communication. One that we both knew all too well. By this point, we were nostalgic for our failed voicemails. We felt like renegade chum layers equipped with a skill no other chummer possessed. I told Ned it was time to make a phone call and goddamn hope she doesn’t pick up. Because that voicemail? It could change everything. And guess what? Ned left that voicemail. All we had to do now was wait.

She never called back. That’s the end of this story.

RECS

Filterworld by Kyle Chayka (BOOK): If you even slightly enjoy whenever these newsletters deal with design or urbanism, Kyle Chayka’s Filterworld is a far more intelligent and well-researched study on these subjects and more specifically how the rise of algorithms has flattened culture. Not to be too dramatic, but this book will change the way you see just about everything around you.

Stranger In Town - Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet (ALBUM): Special shoutout to both Mert and Bon for reminding me that it’s the summer of Seger. Just be careful if you’re on the road. Still The Same will propel your vehicle 75 mph faster than you intend.

Letting Someone Get Back To It (ORAL EXIT): On the subject of phone calls, try out a simple alright I’ll let you get back to it the next time you’re ready to hang up the phone. 100% hit rate, guaranteed.