The Pioneer #49

a cold cocktail for your friday inbox

Introduction

I’m about to Google the term business mullet. I need to know if that’s some nomenclature my pals and I can claim stake on or if it’s been whispered through the ethers prior to you reading this email. I mention the business mullet as one currently sits atop my dome. Not sure how it happened. But then again, not sure how a headband got up there a few weeks prior. Take this intro as a sequel to that. Part II in The Pioneer Haircare Extended Cinematic Universe. My mullet isn’t too aggressive. After all, it’s designed for serious business. And while a classical Swayze Roadhouse chop or an even more dangerous ’97 US Open Agassi blaze religiously abides by the mullet’s necessary party up front/horses in the back structure, the business mullet is a little more understated. It’s a weekday kicker up front. Small plates at 8 PM. Pacifico Pitchers in downtown Culver on a Sunday afternoon. And the horses outback are far tamer, more peaceful, and even graceful upon consideration. I’m picturing the horse that Clooney connects with in Michael Clayton. Right before his company car goes bang bang.

But how did we get here? And by here I’m not referring to the use of Michael Clayton to describe the shape and form of my business mullet. I’m of course referring to the business mullet itself. Well for starters, I finally connected with my hairsmith, Rodge (for gatekeeping purposes I won’t disclose his real name or location). I was ready for a real summer chop. But when I stepped into the salon Rodge immediately began gassing me up. Glazing my power out the back. Lauding the aforementioned dual pipe exhaust. All this to say, he convinced me to maintain some backend length. Hold the damn line. Stand up in the face of Big Clippers. What he did suggest was dusting up the northern exposure and taming the top locks. Blend the two fronts into a summer look appropriate for the cubicle yet ready for the Double Deuce. So after brief consideration and silent prayer, I gave Rodge the green light and told him to execute. 30 minutes later, he handed me the mirror. I sorta liked it. But it was a Friday afternoon so the near-immediate hard launch opportunity excited me enough to give it a go…Annnnnd no one mentioned a thing. Had to ask a few friends about the doo like a desperate fool. Got a JAW Iron Claw comp but I think they were just trying to be nice.

The reality of the situation is just a little more anticlimactic. I caught a pic of myself the next day and faced an uncomfortable truth. My current business mullet isn’t horrific. Instead, something much worse. Boring. It simply does not contain the intrinsic qualities required to pop off in a casually confident small plates type of way. Like a stubborn avocado refusing to grow ripe…it just doesn’t have it. Maybe there’s too much business. Maybe not enough? Listen, it’s hard to run a small business in this country. Maybe I should ask strangers what they think about it…go Undercover Boss mode on my business mullet. Whatever the reasoning behind its muted tone and lack of flavor…I’m glad I at least gave it a shot. You see, I’ve rocked a couple of true mullets in the past. What a time that was. But now, at the elder age of 26, such experimentation must be done within the crushing margins of adulthood. So when the opportunity arose, I attempted another one…but this time fit for a monkey suit. And while it’s promising beginnings, failure to meet expectations, and play-in exit to the shorthanded Dallas Mavericks will inevitably be forgotten, the spirit of ambition shall forever echo in eternity. The perfect business mullet is out there. It’s waiting for me. One day, I’ll execute within the margins and claim what’s mine. But for now, it’s time to head back to Rodge. Take off the back. And wipe the slate clean.

Here’s for a little tabula rasa to your weekend.

Recs…Old and New

Warfare (FILM) - Visceral, thrilling, and upsetting. Does it say anything? You decide. But regardless, its true might lies within your inability to pause, pee, or grab a snack. What we go to the CINEMA for…For better and for worse. Sinners was good (at times DANK) but this is my best of the year so far.

Steely Dan Summer (LIFESTYLE) - One time friend of the newsletter Bon ALMOST convinced friend of the newslett Boby to hit a Steely Dan concert at Morongo with us because “Steely produced a Kanye track”. Obviously, this isn’t true. Bon was simply twisting the fact that Steely Dan’s King Charlamagne is sampled on Kanye’s Champion. That was many summers ago…And while a lot has changed since (mainly Kanye becoming a Nazi), much has stayed the same. That being Steely Dan still fucking ripping. I’ve had Fire in The Hole on heavy rotation as I vibe down Bundy on Monday evening. Bon’s been singing backup with Mikey McDonald on Peg in the Jeep. Can’t go wrong either way. Sorta ties into my whole porch thing…Gonna be a Summer of Steely.

Columbus (FILM) - Finally checked out Columbus. Real brilliant stuff. Ohio just hits different in this one. Surely not beginner level movie watching but worth putting your phone in the drawer and locking tf in.